"When your hobbies get in the way of your work - that's OK; but when your hobbies get in the way of themselves....well..." Steve Martin

I HAVE A COMPLAINT

I wish I didn't have to write a letter like this one, but recent events leave me no choice. The key point of the following exposition is that we are at war. Don't think we're not just because you're not stepping over dead bodies in the streets. We're at war with Miss Carolyn Ann Barry's unruly treatises. We're at war with her insidious manuscripts. And we're at war with her neo-censorious refrains. As in any war, we ought to be aware of the fact that there's something fishy about Carolyn's quips. I think she's up to something, something abusive and perhaps even garrulous.

Carolyn has a talent for inventing fantasy worlds in which she's the best thing to come along since the invention of sliced bread. Then again, just because Carolyn is a prolific fantasist doesn't mean that her causeries provide a liberating insight into life, the universe, and everything. She lives in a world of privileged emotion devoid of any connectable empirical dots. For proof of this fact I must point out that her argument that freedom must be abolished in order for people to be more secure and comfortable is hopelessly flawed and entirely circuitous.

You may wonder why Carolyn's admirers believe that those rights and protections which give us voice in a democratic society are the cause of Jacobinism and social chaos and must be thwarted or dismantled. It's simply because I like to face facts. I like to look reality right in the eye and not pretend it's something else. And the reality of our present situation is this: You should never forget the three most important facets of Carolyn's press releases, namely their untrustworthy origins, their internal contradictions, and their tendentious nature. The biggest supporters of Carolyn's irrational, polyloquent op-ed pieces are prurient beatniks and ethically bankrupt, unbridled cockalorums. A secondary class of ardent supporters consists of ladies of elastic virtue and cosmopolitan tendencies to whom such things afford a decent excuse for displaying their fascinations at their open windows. Finally, whatever your thoughts or feelings about Miss Carolyn Ann Barry are, I urge you to help me throw down the gauntlet and challenge Carolyn's mercenaries to oppose evil wherever it rears its effrontive head.

Its been awhile.

Blog, you've been missing out on a substantial period of my life. And Heathers life. And everyone's, because really, isn't every moment of every life substantial? Of course not, that's just stupid. Illinettes and Chi-Tea's don't have meaning, and neither do you. Not you, blog, I was talking to the person behind you. Oh, and I was asleep when you called.